Vincent's Job Hunt
by Tifa-Shan
Summary: Vincent Valentine looks for a job, but his 'hunt' may not be an easy one. Will his bad luck and Yuffie's appearances even allow him to keep one? Chapter 3 up, Vincent and fast food! Rated for mild language. Please R/R!
1. The Chocobo Known as Vinny

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any of the various stores mentioned, including anything related.  
  
^^; Okay, I guess I'll try a humor fic. Just an idea I got, nothing big. For everyone reading, I hope you like it and get at least one laugh out of it. I'd also like to credit a few of my friends for giving me some ideas. As always, reviews are very welcome and any suggestions for 'jobs' are appreciated. Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews!  
  
~*Vincent's Job Hunt*~  
  
Chapter 1: The Chocobo Known as Vinny  
  
One lovely day, Vincent Valentine sat thinking in the rotting ShinRa mansion known as his home. His blood red eyes gazed across the dark, damp house, gloomy and basically every other adjective known to man that described 'dark'. Figuring he could use a few extra Gil, he decided it was time he found a job...  
  
-Job 1-  
  
Choco Bill: You sure?  
  
Vincent: Of course...ô.o  
  
Choco Bill: Well, okay...I just never figured a creepy man like you'd want to take care of chocobos.  
  
Vincent: ... ::He walked to the chocobo stables outside.:: (What did he mean by 'creepy'? ¬¬)  
  
Approaching the stables, Vincent heard several soft chirps coming from inside. Upon walking in, he was greeted by a few baby chocobos of many colors. Vincent immediately prepared to take care of the chocobos, doing a decent job for a 'creepy' person. However, as poor Vinny's luck would have it, something would happen.  
  
Baby Chocobos: ..o.o Wark.  
  
Vincent: What? I just fed you.  
  
Baby Chocobos: .....o.o Wark!  
  
Vincent: Each of you had a nap only minutes ago....  
  
Baby Chocobos: o.o Warrrrk!  
  
Vincent: . And I gave each of you a bathroom break-  
  
Baby Chocobos: o.o Warrrk! Warkwark! Warrrk!  
  
Vincent: -.-; ...What do you want..? (They're so annoying...how could anyone want one of these things?)  
  
The second he asked himself that question, none other than Yuffie Kisaragi walked in with a few greens for her chocobo, 'Vinny'.  
  
Yuffie: Woah! Gawd, Vincent, what are you doing here? ::She busted out in laugher almost immediately.::  
  
Vincent: ...Hello Yuffie. May I help you in any way? -_-;;;  
  
Yuffie: Oh, yeah! Um, I want to feed my chocobo some greens. He's in the back. ::Continues to snicker.::  
  
Vincent: ...o.o Okay.  
  
Yuffie: Gawd, you jerk! Feed it for me!  
  
Vincent: ::He mumbles something that is barely audible, grabbing the greens from Yuffie and taking them to her chocobo in the back.:: (Cloud always fed his own chocobo....-..!!!) ...The hell?!  
  
Yuffie: o.o What?  
  
Vincent: It..it's...! . It's name is 'Vinny'?! ::He clasped his hands together tightly, turning to her with glaring red orbs.:: Yuffie, did you name this bird after me?  
  
Yuffie: O.O Um..no....what made you think that? .  
  
Vincent: Only because you call me 'Vinny' against my wishes and it's been obvious you've had an attraction to me for several months now.  
  
Yuffie: .... Uhh...(Damn!) Um...just shut up feed the damn chocobo!  
  
Vincent: (....I'll deal with her later.) ::So Vincent oh-so reluctantly fed the bird whom was named after him before turning around to find Yuffie gone with a few extra greens.:: ....Yuffie!  
  
Baby Chocobos: o.o  
  
Vincent: ::His eyes slowly slid to the young chocobos, staring each of them into their innocent shining eyes.:: ...o.o  
  
Baby Chocobos: o.o  
  
Vincent: o.o  
  
Baby Chocobos: o.o  
  
Vincent: o.o ....¬¬; I feel quite...stupid.  
  
Vinny: Wark!  
  
Vincent: ....  
  
~  
  
Choco Bill: Vincent, I know you helped Cloud save the world and I hear you had one down right bad past...but as much as I hate to say this, I just don't think you were cut out for chocobos.  
  
Vincent: I see... (Thank God I'm getting fired..x.x)  
  
Choco Bill: Well, I was feeling awful sorry...so, I did a favor for ya! Seeing how you must love chocobos, I got you another job at that place...Golden Saucer was it? Just get there as soon as you can and a lady'll be waiting right outside for you!  
  
Vincent: Thank you...I appreciate your kindness. (...Something about this bothers me....)  
  
It seems Vincent has lost one job, but already got another. What will his new career be at the flashy amusement park, Gold Saucer? Not even he knows...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
^^; Chapter 2 will be coming soon..please R/R, thank you.  
  
Vinny: Wark! ^_^  
  
^.^; Hehe......Tifa~Shan 


	2. Say Wark, Vincent

Disclaimer: Please check chapter 1.  
  
Chapter 2: Say Wark, Vincent  
  
Vincent sighed as he rode the aircab to the Golden Saucer. He knew something just wasn't going to be right about this...  
  
Vincent: Bright lights....loud noises...kids running around... I'm going to be stuck working here? ::Sigh.::  
  
Suddenly, the aircab came to a stop as he looked outside realizing he was there at last. Standing up, Vincent decided to at least see what his new job was as he walked out of the cab.  
  
-Job 2-  
  
Vincent: ....... .......where are they? ::Vincent looked about for whoever was to greet him.:: .....  
  
Girl in Chocobo Costume: Hey! You must be Vincent Valentine! I'm Claire...and I was sent to find you and give you your new job, so Dio said. ^_^ Heehee...I hear you really like chocobos...you'll be just perfect as a partner to work with!  
  
Vincent: ...Chocobos...partner?! O.O ::He looked at Claire dressed in one of those fat chocobo costumes and feared the worst.:: Wait...partner...?  
  
Claire: You heard it...we're going to walk around the Gold Saucer dressed as chocobos...it's a lotta fun!  
  
Vincent: ...Oh...my...God....  
  
Claire: I got your costume right here! ::She held up an arm..or rather, 'wing' with a costume just like hers folded in it, the big chocobo head mask sitting on top.:: Isn't it just darling?  
  
Vincent: ....::He shudders, closing his eyes.:: (I can just leave right now...but...) ::Vincent sighed knowing he should at least give the job a try.:: ..When do I start?  
  
Claire: Right now! Come on, Vincent, let's go get you choco-fied!  
  
Vincent: .....-_-; ::He reluctantly walked away.:: (What if someone sees me like this......)  
  
~  
  
Vincent: -.- Wark.....wark.....::Vincent stood at the entrance of the Gold Saucer dressed up in choco-gear speaking in a very monotone voice.:: Wark...please purchase your tickets at the entrance......wark....  
  
Claire: Wark, wark! Enjoy your stay at the Gold Saucer! ^_^  
  
Vincent: ¬¬; .......Wark.  
  
Little Girl: ::Walks up to Vincent and Claire.:: Oh...mommy, it chocobos! I wan pet! I wan pet!  
  
Mother: Now honey..the chocobos have a job to do....::She smiled, looking to the two.:: If you would excuse us...  
  
Little Girl: I wan peeeet! ::She ran to Vincent and latched onto his legs, clinging tightly.:: ^.^!  
  
Vincent: O.O Gah....::His eyes narrowed as he clenched his hands in a fist tightly.:: (Keep patience Vincent....but she's worse than Yuffie........)  
  
Little Girl: ::She persisted in climbing up Vincent's costume, grasping feathers and pulling herself up with them like a ladder, her feet pushing into Vincent's stomach.::  
  
Claire: Oh my....::She 'ignored' the case and continued to welcome visitors enthusiastically, each giving the scene by her an odd look.::  
  
Little Girl: I wan pet chocobo...I wan ride chocobo!..-!! Eeek, mommy! ::The little girl shrieked as she slipped, and sadly, one of her feet slipped as well, kicking Vincent below the waist so to speak.::  
  
Vincent: O_O Oh shi-! ..Ow...::In a slightly squeaky voice, he fell to the ground in severe pain.:: ...Dammit...X_X  
  
Little Girl: .....Wahh! I kill chocobo! I bad girl! Mommy! ::She ran off to her mother, the woman shaking her head sadly as they left Vincent down.::  
  
Claire: Welcome to the Gold Saucer! Please get your tickets at the entrance!  
  
~  
  
Vincent: So we got moved to the Wonder Square?  
  
Claire: Yes. It's about the same job though.  
  
Vincent: As long as there aren't any-  
  
Little Kids: ::Come running through, bumping into Vincent, but continue going.::  
  
Vincent: -...children...~.~;  
  
Claire: Well, there's kids everywhere here! Unless you wanna see about a job working in the plays-  
  
Vincent: NO...that's quite alright.....thank you....  
  
Claire: There's some youngsters now..just greet everyone that walks by and give the little kids these. ::She handed Vincent some lollipops in the shapes of mog and chocobo heads.::  
  
Vincent: Hmm....what is the purpose of giving them candy?  
  
Claire: Just being nice and it makes the Gold Saucer look good too.  
  
Vincent: I see....::He looked at the candy with a raised brow.::  
  
Young Boy: ::A boy about the age of 8 or 9 walked up, looking at Vincent.:: Woah...you have candy! Give me one!  
  
Vincent: ::He looked at the candy then randomly picked a mog lollipop handing it to him.:: Enjoy your stay at the Gold Saucer...  
  
Young Boy: Thank you, Mister Chocobo! ^_^ ::runs off::  
  
Older Guy: ::Looks at the kid and Vincent then approaches Vincent studying him.:: Give me one.  
  
Vincent: Excuse me? You look like you're 18....  
  
Older Guy: I don't care. Give me some damn candy, you know how much food costs here? I'm starving! So give me one or I'll beat your ass up!  
  
Vincent: ...o_o; (This guy is crazy...) Uhm...yeah...what would you rather have, a chocobo or a mog?  
  
Older Guy: I don't care, just--! ::He sighed, getting irritated and took a handful of lollipops walking off.::  
  
Vincent: (...Maybe he needs to see an anger management program...)  
  
Irate Woman: Hey, chocobo! Come here, this stupid machine took my Gil! ::A woman called out to Vincent from the Wonder Square.:: You work here, do something about it!  
  
Vincent: ...Oi....::He walked to the woman in the extremely hard to move around in costume, looking at her and speaking in a dull voice.:: ....How may I help you?  
  
Irate Woman: Get me my money back!  
  
Vincent: I don't think I can help you with this, ma'am-  
  
Irate Woman: NOW!  
  
Vincent: I just said I don't know how to help you..  
  
Irate Woman: Geez! What a horrible experience! I'm never coming back again!  
  
Vincent: ....::He walked off, cursing under his breath, though it was audible enough for the young group of kids behind him to hear.:: ....Damn...  
  
Kids: O_O The chocobo said a bad word....  
  
Vincent: ...Claire!  
  
Claire: Welcome to Gold Sau- oh, yes Vincent? How's it going for you?  
  
Vincent: I don't think I like this job very much....  
  
Familiar Voice: Alright! The Gold Saucer!  
  
Vincent: T.T It isn't......  
  
Familiar Voice: Heheh...I can't wait to spend all that extra Gil I got from selling those stolen..I mean...uh...borrowed greens....nyuk nyuk nyuk....  
  
Vincent: ....Yuffie.......  
  
Yuffie: Heheh...man, this is great....hey, chocobo! Can you give me some GP for this Gil?  
  
Vincent: ::Trying to change his voice to sound a bit different, though it doesn't seem to be working.:: Oh..um...no..I can't...please..talk to someone else...  
  
Yuffie: ....Do I know you..? ::She blinked a few times, looking the costume over carefully.::  
  
Vincent: I don't think so.....;;;  
  
Yuffie: Hmm...::With that, she took hold of the chocobos head and pulled it off to expose Vincent still up to his neck in fat chocobo.:: ...VINNY?! Oh my GAWD....it IS you! HAHAHAHAH!  
  
Vincent: ::Going a crimson shade of red.:: Hello...once again...Yuffie...(Now Cloud and everyone is going to hear about this....-.- Barret will never let me live this down..)  
  
Yuffie: ::Walking around with the chocobo head on her, holding the lollipops he had previously.:: Wark! ::Dies of laughter.::  
  
Vincent: ...::He takes the chocobo head from her and marches off to give this job one last go, or at least go out in style.::  
  
Yuffie: o.o Vincent.....a chocobo?! Hahahahah! ::Laughter, snort, more laughter.::  
  
~  
  
There was yet another play at the Gold Saucer taken place, and Vincent had been signed up at the chocobo to start to story off on stage. He was to make the first appearance...everything depended on him.  
  
Vincent: I'm going to do it....  
  
Vincent was dressed in his chocobo outfit, stronger than ever, as he walked on stage with an even pace. He went to the middle of the stage, and turned to face the audience, voice loud and clear, his face set with determination to do what he had to do.  
  
Vincent: Ladies and gentlemen...welcome to the Gold Saucer.....  
  
Audience: ::Chirp...chirp....::  
  
Vincent: I would like to announce....I quit!! ::With that, Vincent pulled the chocobo head off of the costume and threw it to the ground, then stepped out of the rest of it and walked off stage to the aircab.::  
  
Audience: .......WOOO! ::Applauds loudly.::  
  
~  
  
Vincent rode back to Corel in the aircab, brooding to himself as usual.  
  
Vincent: That didn't work out....now...to think of another job....::sighs.::  
  
What will Vincent's next job be? Find out in chapter 3!  
  
Vinny: Wark! ::Walks around with chocobo head dangling off of its tail feathers.::  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews! Chapter 3 will be up soon! Tifa~Shan 


	3. McVincent's

Disclaimer: Please check chapter 1.  
  
Chapter 3: McVincent's  
  
Vincent Valentine glared at the sky as he walked towards his next job. Sure, it seemed...a bit odd for him, but if he could dress up as a chocobo, why not?  
  
Vincent: Maybe Yuffie won't come here....maybe.  
  
-Job 3-  
  
Vincent stood behind the counter and cash register dressed in his new uniform. He watched as people of all ages stood in front of him, as he knew he'd have to ask that one important question. Yes, it was his duty to ask that one infamous question everyone expected out of him now that he worked at the most popular fast food place in the history of America and the FF7 world alike.  
  
Vincent: -.- ::Dully, in a monotone voice wearing a McDonald's uniform.:: May I take your order?  
  
Lady: Yes, I'd like a Choco-cheeseburger, hold the pickles...a large fry.....some chocobo Mcnuggets......6 piece that is.....a filet o' hedgehog pie.....and an ice cream.  
  
Vincent: ...We have magic materia green flavor..which is apple.....dependent materia blue......which is blueberry.......summon materia red....which is strawberry......  
  
Lady: Oh, a command materia yellow please! I love banana!  
  
Vincent: Right. That's 15 Gil please.  
  
Lady: ::Pays Gil, gets order.:: Thank you!  
  
Vincent: Have a nice day....~_~  
  
~  
  
Mother: ::Walks up to the register with some little kids.::  
  
Vincent: May I take your order...?  
  
Mother: Yes, I'd like three Happy Meals.  
  
Boy 1: I want a President Rufus figure!  
  
Boy 2: Gimme a Reno!  
  
Girl: I want Scarlet...mommy, I wanna be just like her when I grow up!  
  
Mother: Now, dear, you don't want to be a prostitute.....  
  
Vincent: o.o; Right. That'll be 17 Gil. ::Walks to the back to prepare the 'Happy' Meals.  
  
Vincent dully but swiftly prepared the kids meals, giving each of them their requested toy, looking over each of them and the others in the bin. Pausing, he looked at a figure underneath a Cloud Strife one to find none other than a Vincent Valentine.  
  
Vincent: ..........::He stuffed the figure in one of his pockets, shuddering at the thought of a toy resembling him being gnawed on by some 3 year old.::  
  
Boy 1 and 2: Hurry up! We want food!  
  
Vincent: ¬¬ Such horrid little brats....::He resumed in finishing the Happy Meals before he zoned out in deep thought.:: Happy Meals.....happy? What makes them so happy? It is merely food and a toy......tell me...what is the secret?! ::He turned to the family in irritated confusion.::  
  
Girl: o.o ......AHHHH! MOMMY! HE'S SCARY! ::Runs out of McDonald's crying, followed by her brother who teased her.::  
  
Mother: Why, you awful man! Give me my food!  
  
Vincent: ....::He handed her the Happy Meals reluctantly.:: ~.~  
  
Mother: ::She left in a very mad mood.:: Hmph! Don't think I'll pay you after what you did to my daughter..why, you probably mentally scarred her!  
  
Vincent: ::Mumbles.:: After all the scars I have...? ::Sighs.::  
  
~  
  
Later on that day, Vincent finally got outside to clean out that odd playpen area for little kids. After all, it was full of trash everywhere and it was getting too stuffy in there for him. Luckily, there weren't any kids out there as of right now.  
  
Vincent: ::Picking up wrappers and the such to put in trash cans.:: It's sad how people have become so insanitary...::Drops the junk in the trash can, then walks back to find some more, stepping on a piece of hamburger.:: How disgusting.....::cringes then wipes it off with paper.::  
  
Worker: Hey Valentine...I think I better warn you...  
  
Vincent: Not now..I'm almost done...all I have to do is throw away this last bit of trash then put these colored balls back in the pit where they belong...  
  
Worker: Yeah, but you told me to tell you if...  
  
Vincent: Please let me be so I can get done.  
  
Worker: Fine. ::He shrugged, going back inside.::  
  
Vincent: ::Throws away more thrash then busies himself in picking up the balls and throwing them in the pit slowly but surely.:: What a tiring job....::He went to get more balls, and continued to do this until he put the last in the pit, pausing and taking a breather facing the pit, back facing the entrance to the restaurant.:: Finally I'm done.  
  
Kids: Hehe...::A door is heard opening behind him as some kids excitedly run out and behind him, managing to push him in the pit face first, a good 50 or so balls flying out of it as his legs were the only things seen of him, both twitching in an irritated way.::  
  
Vincent: (....Why me?) ::In a muffled voice.:: ....Help....someone.....help....dammit....  
  
~  
  
Vincent: ::And he at last stood behind the counter again after cleaning up the playground a second time taking orders once more.:: At least I'm not a chocobo...~.~  
  
Teenage Girl: ::Walks in the restaurant, stepping up to the counter as Vincent went to the register to take her order, but stopped in his tracks.::  
  
Vincent: Not again...  
  
Yuffie: o.o Vinny? Gawd...how many jobs do you have?  
  
Vincent: One..thankfully. What do you want?  
  
Yuffie: I..um...^^; one Happy Meal please....  
  
Vincent: T.T; Aren't you a bit old for that....?  
  
Yuffie: _ NO! Umm....could you let someone else take my order? You know you're supposed to ask 'May I take your order?'.  
  
Vincent: ::SIGHS.:: May I take your order, Yuffie?  
  
Yuffie: AHH! NO! Let someone else!  
  
Vincent: ¬¬; ::Walks off mumbling lowly as someone else took Yuffie's order. Vincent waited as the other worker made her order and he took it to the counter, about to give it to Yuffie.:: 5 Gil please.  
  
Yuffie: ::Throws down 5 Gil.:: Okay, now let me have it! I'm starving!  
  
Vincent: ...::About to hand it to her as he glances in the bag to find a Vincent figure.:: ...o.o Wait! ::He pulled it out, looking at it.:: I thought I got this thing! ::Looks in his pocket to find the one he got earlier.:: Oh wonderful...there's no telling how many of these have been produced...  
  
Yuffie: Hey! Give that back!  
  
Vincent: Did you request this, Yuffie? Is that why you didn't want me to take your order?  
  
Yuffie: NO! I don't have a collection of Vinny figures!  
  
Vincent: I didn't ask that...wait...what?!  
  
Yuffie: O_O Nothing! ::Snatches the figure and her meal then runs away as fast as lightning.::  
  
Vincent: .....-.-;;; This job is too stressful.....  
  
Worker: You quittin'?  
  
Vincent: ::Glares at the wall in front of him, nodding slowly.:: I don't think I'm meant for fast food. ::Walks out right then, quitting yet another unsuccessfully job.:: I have an idea for something easier.....  
  
~  
  
Vinny: ::Pecks at french fries, warking happily.:: ^_^ Wark!  
  
Tifa~Shan: ^^ I'll try to update soon. Oh yeah, I still have a few ideas for jobs, so no worries there, but if anyone wants to suggest a job, I'd be very happy. ^^; Thanks and please R/R! 


End file.
